How To Decipher a CPC Press Release

From here.

On Tuesday, Jim Flaherty, Minister of Finance, and Christian Paradis, Minister of Natural Resources, released an update on our Government’s economic and fiscal projections – for the first time showing a return to a balanced budget.

...by "balanced budget" they mean "largest deficit in history."

(In the interest of fairness, and to make sure I'm not misleading my readers, this is true in terms of raw numbers. As a percentage of the GDP, though, Mulroney's deficit was larger. So depending on how you look at it, this might only be the second-largest deficit in Canadian history. NOICE!)

With help from Canada’s Economic Action Plan, Canadians are recovering from the economic recession, and getting back on their feet. In fact, since July 2009, our Conservative Government has helped create over 400,000 new jobs across the country.

Notice they don't mention anything about all the jobs that Canada's been bleeding out lately. Nor does it point out how many of those 400,000 jobs are full-time, how many are part-time, and how many are seasonal. I won't go into any spoilers here, but here's a hint: Knowing these things makes that 400,000 figure a lot less impressive.

And while we continue to help Canadians make ends meet, our Government is looking ahead to balanced budgets, and building a strong foundation for future economic growth.

Help Canadians make ends meet... Except for all those Canadians who are unemployed. Or underemployed. Or having trouble with the rising costs of food or education or whatever. But it's not like they count.

Today’s update shows that our Government’s plan is on track. The federal deficit will be lower this year than previously forecasted.

This is really easy to do. I can do it myself, in fact. Watch.

Me: "I predict that I will lose $200 at this casino."

*enters casino, bets $150 at the craps table, loses it all*

Me: "My losses are much less than was previously predicted. Yay me!"

And for the first time since the global recession, we are forecasting a balanced budget.

"Forecasted." This means that they're really, really hoping the economy will grow enough that they can keep doing what they're doing and then, maybe, by 2015, everything will just magically fall into place.

I'm not kidding. 2015 is the year that they're talking about when they say

While Canada is on the right track, our recovery remains fragile. That’s why our primary focus must remain jobs and growth.

*cough* seasonal, part-time jobs... *cough*

Clearly, the Harper Government is helping solidify Canada’s recovery. By contrast, the Ignatieff/ NDP/Bloc-Québécois Coalition plans to raise job-killing taxes such as payroll taxes, by bringing in a 45-day work year. This would halt our recovery in its tracks and, according to experts, kill almost 400,000 jobs.

Ah, yes, the coalition boogeyman.

"Beware the Coalition!  It comes to devour your child-folk!  Ooga-booga!"

 Our Conservative Government will not put the economic recovery in jeopardy.  We will continue to prioritize the economy and the implementation of Canada’s Economic Action Plan.

This is the same Action Plan that I've previously made fun of. Well, aspects of it at least. To be fair, there are significant parts of the CEAP of which I'm in favour, even if I suspect it's not really being implemented in the best way.

* * * * *

By the by, if you're wondering what the 45-day work year this press release was talking about, it's a reference to Bill C-308. This was a Bloc bill that reduced the number of days required to qualify for EI benefits to 45. There's a bit about it here.

That evil coalition obviously doesn't have much of a united front, since Ignatief's Libs killed it.

Said Ignatief:

Ignatieff said upgrades of the EI benefits, an idea he once supported and an issue over which he threatened a year ago to force an election, are too expensive and no longer needed.

Just so's you know how big a shitheel Ignatieff is, when he supported the bill unemployment was at 8.3%. It's currently at 8.1%. WHY YES IGGY THAT IS ONE HUGE POLICY-CHANGING DIFFERENCE THERE.

To this unexpected change of vote, Layton rejoined:

"I guess there's not much room for the unemployed in the big red tent."

Oh, snap!